Recovering Gratefully

I was caught in the grips of my addiction, yet you still reached out your hand to me.
I pushed it away with such intensity, I didn't care about anyone but my next hit.
Caught in the grips,
Obssessed with how much longer until I could get hit with my next shot of my drug of choice.
Meth and heroin became my lovers.
The desire for them became so strong that I literally abandoned everyone and everything that cared for me.
All I wanted was that next high.
Didnt matter the cost.
Didn't care about the destruction and unmanagibility it caused or rather left in its wake.
After the drugs had long run out,
I was left all alone,
A crying mess, a completely empty shell of myself.

I called the one person I knew would answer.
I sobbed to my sponsor and eventually hung up.
I didn't want anyone to see me like this.
My sponsor later said we're going to a meeting.
A suggestion but not really.
I picked up my hardest white ever.
Tears were streaming down my face as I walked and I hugged my good friend.
Then everyone in the room practically got in line to hug me.
I was so pathetic looking.
But the only thing that mattered to those people in the rooms was that I was alive and there.
Now I'm getting close to completing rehab,
I've had a spiritual awakening of sorts.

I should've died the Friday before coming here but something spared my life.
Now I believe for the first time that my life was worth saving.
I've got a greater purpose in life than being an iv drug user.
I'm destined for greatness.
I'm destined for blessings.
I'm destined to carry the message THAT NO ADDICT NEED TO DIE FROM THIS DISEASE.
THAT ALL ADDICTS CAN RECOVER!
THAT THEY CAN FIND A NEW WAY TO LIVE.

No longer am I caught in the grips of my addiction
I'm caught in the arms of my Higher Power,
I'm caught in the prayers of all who love me
I'm now caught in the grips of recovery
Slowly being restored to sanity
Piece by piece
Moment by Moment
Day by Day.

I was flying high on a chemical
But now I'm learning to fly with the help of others.
I'm beginning to enjoy life,
I'm blessed with an unquenchable thirst to live
To make the most of this billionith chance given to me.

I'm no longer an addict anymore
BUT
I AM A GRATEFUL RECOVERING ADDICT!

Watch out because I burn with an intense passion for all things related to living free from using.

Brian Lee Kleber
2.23.2019