Hello everyone. So the last time that I wrote a blog it was for a blog synchro day and it was amazing for me. I even got to host for a person which was wonderful for me because I love to be able to be a voice for other people who need/want to be hear. But today is a day where I need to allow my voice to be heard, heehee. Or rather I want my voice to be heard. Hopefully this will make sense and won't be too all over the place. I've had a few days to kind of collect myself and my thoughts even though chaos has kind of ensued where I live and in my life since then. But yet I am still living in serenity and peace. How is that possible? GOD! Back to that subject later!
So on Feb 8, 2018 - I had an appointment with Steven Wolfe in Monroeville, PA at 9:15am. I arrived about 10 minutes late because I was nervous and I was outside smoking a cigarette to calm my nerves. I go to check in. I sit down in the waiting room. They start calling people. Everyone that had been in there before me had been called back. Here comes the funny part.... Please laugh because I am kinda trying to hold back laughter as I type this at the library so I don't look like an idiot.
A nurse comes calling out Brian. I look around like no one has come in after me and everyone before me has been called back (and i'm thinking that's the name everyone in my life calls me but that's not my legal name) so I DON"T get up nor do i respond. So the nurse goes back in. A few moments later the SAME NURSE comes back out and says my legal first name and I get up. She takes my weight and we go back to the room. Before we go into my history, she said you do go by Brian right? I said yes why? She said we have you down as going by that. I'm like oh my god i didn't realize I gave that to you guys and I didn't realize that you guys were that trans-friendly of a doctors office. So we had a good laugh and discussion. This guy totally felt like an idiot cause I dead-named myself went I didn't have to. Oh but a good laugh happened out of it.
So the nurse took down my history and was absolutely amazing. She was so sweet. When she was done, she told me that the doctor might be a while and she asked me if she could get me a cup of coffee and I said yes absolutely because my medical cab was early and i hadn't had time to make my own.
Then in walks a nurse practitioner. Oh I failed to mention that the nurse told me that this practice is a family practice that handles a little bit of everything but is also a teaching practice! So yeah? The nurse practitioner came in and asked me a bunch of questions. They were about my history but mainly about me being transgender. Now they weren't gate-keeping questions. This was my very first visit to this office. So they were getting to know me. So they were simple getting to know me questions and how I came out, how I felt about myself, why I wanted to get on T, etc. The nurse practitioner was amazing and friendly. She listened to me as I answered her questions and didn't rush me. Once I was finished answering her questions - she said well that is all I have for you let me go get the doctor and we will be back in.
So I am left in the room waiting. It seemed like forever. But you all know that when it's a brand new doctor's office the wait is always longer than it really seems. But when it's for the express purposes of something this critical in your life - the wait is then multiplied by like a million. So then I hear a knock at the door. In walks the nurse practitioner and then a male doctor. He introduces himself as Dr Wolfe (btw- not bad on the eyes either, LOL). The first thing out of his mouth after he shakes my hand is, "So before we go any further in this conversation, I understand you go by Brian?" I answered, "Yes." "So is it safe to assume that you use male pronouns then?" I said, "Yes." So we moved on with the conversation.
We covered so much that most of the conversation was a blur except for a few parts. One of them was when we got to the part where he said he was going to describe to me the positive and negative side effects of T. I said kind of with a smart allek tone (character defect that comes out when i'm nervous and i want to ease my nervousness) oh so you're going to tell me what I've already read. So he said well then you tell me. Thank goodness i had brought my ipad which had the WPATH (World Professionals Associations for Transgender Health) Standards of Care on it. I went to the section that had it. Now if I hadn't gotten connected to Dara Hoffman-Fox thanks to my old sponsor I wouldn't have known about this resource and I wouldn't have walked into this doctor's office an educated transman. I mentioned bottom growth and he stopped me and he asked me to explain what I meant and I did and he was pleased with my knowledge. He asked if I had intentions of surgeries. I said only possibly top surgery but that i was looking into the uncommon route because my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 39 and I wanted to get tested for the gene because traditional top surgery leaves some breast tissue behind. He asked why not bottom and I explained I read about the high rate of complications and the fact that it takes sometimes 2-3 surgeries to get a somewhat to fully functioning bottom. But to me my gender isn't defined by whats between my legs or what is on my chest. He was happy to hear me say that.
By the end of my visit - he said well I want to get a base blood line on you and get you a script for T. I was like what in my head. I didn't think it would happen. Hello? First visit ever meeting this doctor? I've heard horror stories of AFAB and AMAB being gate-keeped when attempting to get hormones and how it's taking numerous visits and how they have had to jump through so many hoops. Here I am, just having spent two hours telling my story to these two wonderful physicians who were absolutely loving human beings and I'm walking out with T. I asked the doctor, "I know you fax over everything," He said, "We cant fax over the T script" and I said "So I'll get a paper script? This is a big day for me in my transition because I believe a lot of my mental health issues are because I'm NOT on T." He said "I believe it. It is the reason I do the work I do." I told him with tears streaming down my face, "I don't think you do. You have no idea how it is going to feel to finally one day have the right hormones running through my body. See i can pass for the most part as a male, but as soon as i open my mouth people say she and I hate it." He said, "Well the next time I see you your voice most likely will have dropped."
I wanted to hug the man but I didn't. I instead shook his hand. I do however think when I go for my check up and blood draw in May I will ask for a hug and a picture. That man has changed my life.
I am still floating on cloud 9. I know that regardless of whether or not I'm on T - my tranness is valid. But for me March 7, 2018 signifies the start of manhood. It signifies the start of puberty. It signifies the start of the right hormones coursing through my veins. March 7th - I go back and met with the nurse practitioner and get what is called injection education (I take my T vial and syringes/needles) where I will give myself my own first T shot in their office. I do not like needles (says the one that has 4 tattoos) but I guess now is the time to get over it because I have to inject myself once every 14 days.
Anyways I want to thank my very dear bud Sam for the title of this blog because I couldn't come up with one for the life of me!
I want to thank Dr Steven Wolfe and his staff for an amazing visit.
So on Feb 8, 2018 - I had an appointment with Steven Wolfe in Monroeville, PA at 9:15am. I arrived about 10 minutes late because I was nervous and I was outside smoking a cigarette to calm my nerves. I go to check in. I sit down in the waiting room. They start calling people. Everyone that had been in there before me had been called back. Here comes the funny part.... Please laugh because I am kinda trying to hold back laughter as I type this at the library so I don't look like an idiot.
A nurse comes calling out Brian. I look around like no one has come in after me and everyone before me has been called back (and i'm thinking that's the name everyone in my life calls me but that's not my legal name) so I DON"T get up nor do i respond. So the nurse goes back in. A few moments later the SAME NURSE comes back out and says my legal first name and I get up. She takes my weight and we go back to the room. Before we go into my history, she said you do go by Brian right? I said yes why? She said we have you down as going by that. I'm like oh my god i didn't realize I gave that to you guys and I didn't realize that you guys were that trans-friendly of a doctors office. So we had a good laugh and discussion. This guy totally felt like an idiot cause I dead-named myself went I didn't have to. Oh but a good laugh happened out of it.
So the nurse took down my history and was absolutely amazing. She was so sweet. When she was done, she told me that the doctor might be a while and she asked me if she could get me a cup of coffee and I said yes absolutely because my medical cab was early and i hadn't had time to make my own.
Then in walks a nurse practitioner. Oh I failed to mention that the nurse told me that this practice is a family practice that handles a little bit of everything but is also a teaching practice! So yeah? The nurse practitioner came in and asked me a bunch of questions. They were about my history but mainly about me being transgender. Now they weren't gate-keeping questions. This was my very first visit to this office. So they were getting to know me. So they were simple getting to know me questions and how I came out, how I felt about myself, why I wanted to get on T, etc. The nurse practitioner was amazing and friendly. She listened to me as I answered her questions and didn't rush me. Once I was finished answering her questions - she said well that is all I have for you let me go get the doctor and we will be back in.
So I am left in the room waiting. It seemed like forever. But you all know that when it's a brand new doctor's office the wait is always longer than it really seems. But when it's for the express purposes of something this critical in your life - the wait is then multiplied by like a million. So then I hear a knock at the door. In walks the nurse practitioner and then a male doctor. He introduces himself as Dr Wolfe (btw- not bad on the eyes either, LOL). The first thing out of his mouth after he shakes my hand is, "So before we go any further in this conversation, I understand you go by Brian?" I answered, "Yes." "So is it safe to assume that you use male pronouns then?" I said, "Yes." So we moved on with the conversation.
We covered so much that most of the conversation was a blur except for a few parts. One of them was when we got to the part where he said he was going to describe to me the positive and negative side effects of T. I said kind of with a smart allek tone (character defect that comes out when i'm nervous and i want to ease my nervousness) oh so you're going to tell me what I've already read. So he said well then you tell me. Thank goodness i had brought my ipad which had the WPATH (World Professionals Associations for Transgender Health) Standards of Care on it. I went to the section that had it. Now if I hadn't gotten connected to Dara Hoffman-Fox thanks to my old sponsor I wouldn't have known about this resource and I wouldn't have walked into this doctor's office an educated transman. I mentioned bottom growth and he stopped me and he asked me to explain what I meant and I did and he was pleased with my knowledge. He asked if I had intentions of surgeries. I said only possibly top surgery but that i was looking into the uncommon route because my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 39 and I wanted to get tested for the gene because traditional top surgery leaves some breast tissue behind. He asked why not bottom and I explained I read about the high rate of complications and the fact that it takes sometimes 2-3 surgeries to get a somewhat to fully functioning bottom. But to me my gender isn't defined by whats between my legs or what is on my chest. He was happy to hear me say that.
By the end of my visit - he said well I want to get a base blood line on you and get you a script for T. I was like what in my head. I didn't think it would happen. Hello? First visit ever meeting this doctor? I've heard horror stories of AFAB and AMAB being gate-keeped when attempting to get hormones and how it's taking numerous visits and how they have had to jump through so many hoops. Here I am, just having spent two hours telling my story to these two wonderful physicians who were absolutely loving human beings and I'm walking out with T. I asked the doctor, "I know you fax over everything," He said, "We cant fax over the T script" and I said "So I'll get a paper script? This is a big day for me in my transition because I believe a lot of my mental health issues are because I'm NOT on T." He said "I believe it. It is the reason I do the work I do." I told him with tears streaming down my face, "I don't think you do. You have no idea how it is going to feel to finally one day have the right hormones running through my body. See i can pass for the most part as a male, but as soon as i open my mouth people say she and I hate it." He said, "Well the next time I see you your voice most likely will have dropped."
I wanted to hug the man but I didn't. I instead shook his hand. I do however think when I go for my check up and blood draw in May I will ask for a hug and a picture. That man has changed my life.
I am still floating on cloud 9. I know that regardless of whether or not I'm on T - my tranness is valid. But for me March 7, 2018 signifies the start of manhood. It signifies the start of puberty. It signifies the start of the right hormones coursing through my veins. March 7th - I go back and met with the nurse practitioner and get what is called injection education (I take my T vial and syringes/needles) where I will give myself my own first T shot in their office. I do not like needles (says the one that has 4 tattoos) but I guess now is the time to get over it because I have to inject myself once every 14 days.
Anyways I want to thank my very dear bud Sam for the title of this blog because I couldn't come up with one for the life of me!
I want to thank Dr Steven Wolfe and his staff for an amazing visit.
I want to thank Dara Hoffman-Fox for being an amazing educator and transgender adovcate. You can find her at the following links:
youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/darahoffmanfox
facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dara.hoffman.3
website: http://darahoffmanfox.com/
book: http://discoveryourgenderidentity.com/
Peace of Christ in your coming and goings,
Brian Lee Kleber
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