Wednesday, April 18, 2018

This Is Me

I really love this song and have been wanting to write about it for a while now. Ever since I heard it, it has become my anthem in my medical and social transition.

"I am not a stranger to the dark, Hide away, they say, Cause we don't want your broken parts, I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars, Run away, they say, No one'll love you as you are"

I am definitely no stranger to the dark. My old church told me to hide. They didn't want my broken parts. They taught me to be ashamed of my scars and taught me no one would love me as a lesbian woman. I spent 4 months in spiritual darkness looking for a spiritual home. My current church is AMAZING, my senior and associate pastors and the congregation have done the exact OPPOSITE! They have welcomed me broken and all scarred up. They have caused me to stop running. They loved me as a cis-gender woman and then when I revealed that I was in fact a transgender person - they still loved me. I didn't have to hide who I was to be loved. I no longer had to wear a mask of having it together or what religion said in order to be loved and accepted and welcomed. I COULD STOP RUNNING! I COULD STOP HIDING! I COULD BE ME!!!!
"But I won't let them break me down to dust, I know that there's a place for us, For we are glorious."

I will not let the world...
I will not let the institution known as The UMC....
I will not let any man-made religion....

tell me that there is no place for me or any other queer folx or sibling of color. We are GLORIOUS! GLORIOUS IN THE BELOVED's EYES!
"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out"

When the negative words of the world and religion and the nay-sayers want to cut me and other queer folxs and siblings of color - I will raise my voice with the many queer voices in existence already and drown them out. There are TOO MANY of us for me to listen to the negativity.

"I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I'm meant to be, this is me, Look out 'cause here I come
.....I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me"

I've been told I am brave. I don't see that in myself, but slowly I am beginning to see it. I'm bruised but yet I still keep getting back up and be willing to fight for who I am, who I'm meant to be. This is me, I'm coming out to the world, I'm not scared to be visible and I wont apologize for that. 

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