My Journey to Self Discovery

I recently discovered I had my first blog comment by a "troll" and it was cruel and insensitive. I did end up deleting it. But ironically they brought up a good point, their delivery method was messed up but their point was valid. It made me realize that you all, my readers, might be confused a little with my identification changes.

I am not using this blog to justify my gender or who I am. I don't have to do that for anyone. But I feel that some of you might be confused or not understand where I am coming from. The purpose of this blog is to educate you on my process, my journey to self discovery up until this point.

Currently I identify as a transgender nonbinary person who wishes to present as a male to society. What does that mean and how did I come to that revelation or discovery? I know that I am not at all wanting society to see me as female. Society in and of itself has a hard time recognizing transgender people. Add being nonbinary and people instantly want to reject you even within the LGTBQ community. For me I knew I was more male than female but at the same time I didn't identify completely 100% male. Hence the self discovery of being nonbinary. Transgender comes into play for me because I wish to transition medically so society doesn't look at me and say SHE. I am so far removed from my assigned sex at birth that it brings about intense dsyphoria at times when someone calls me she, ma'am or perceives me as a woman.

I did identify from October 15, 2017 to recently as a transgender male because honestly I didn't realize there was a term for what I was experiencing inside. I thought it was all or nothing. I didn't realize there were nonbinary people who have chosen to take HRT because they definitely don't want to be seen as their assigned sex at birth. It wasn't until I began to form friendships with people who identify as trans and nonbinary that I had the right words to express who I am.

Gender is a process for me. It is a process/journey of self discovery. Every day I am learning more and more about myself. Each day I grow more and more comfortable with who I am as a transgender nonbinary person.

Before I ever realized I was transgender and was still living as my assigned sex at birth, I had identified as a lesbian. For nearly half of my life as a female, I was attracted to the same sex. But because I went to a fundamentalist Christian church, I stayed in the closet for many years. Then after getting out of jail and having been given my freedom again, I had a new lease on life. I knew that I had to stop living in the closet out of fear for what Christians may do. That is when I came out publically to the world because I had enough of my church telling me I was sinful and evil when I knew that I wasn't. This caused me to be kicked out of my decade long church and left me without any church home for quite a few months. It was then that the gender discovery process started because bad religious teaching wasn't being crammed down my throat. It was just God and me.

Gender and sexuality are two separate and distinct topics. So please don't get them intertwined because they are not meant to be. You can be trans and straight, or trans and gay or trans and a number of other sexualities.

I hope that this blog clears up some of the confusion or questions some of you may have but are too afraid to ask. If you have any questions feel free to email them to me: bornagainchristian2004@yahoo.com. If you chose to leave a comment, please make sure it's respectful and you leave at least a first name. If your comment isn't respectful, it will get deleted as soon as I see it. I created this blog with Gods prompting and created it to be a safe place for all queer folxs. We face enough discrimination and hatred and phobic behaviors in society and sometimes religion that we all need a soft place to land.

Be blessed this gorgeous Sunday afternoon,

Brian Lee