Today marks one week on testosterone. Heehee. This has been an amazing journey so far. There is something exciting that I must tell you all....
Reconciling Ministries Network featured a blog I wrote about coming out and my story about finding my spiritual home. It was my most vulnerable blog to date because I had to go to my past in order to tell my story. For those of you who don't know RMN is an organization dedicated to the inclusion of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities in both the policy and practices of the United Methodist Church. It was founded in 1984. Since I started to attend a UMC church, Reconciling Ministries Network became a ministry near and dear to my heart.
Here is the link to my story featured by RMN:
https://rmnetwork.org/kleberfindingspiritualhome/
There hasn't been much in the way of changes. Well except that I am constantly hungry.... If I am not eating, I'm thinking about what I am going to be eating. Lately, I usually always have something with me to snack on. Just yesterday night at new member class, my senior pastor made the comment that she said yea I saw you with your bag of beef jerky this morning. LOL. Between her and my one online friend I call my big bro - they are both having so much fun laughing at my teenage hunger.
I am learning that my body does respond quickly to the testosterone. I have already begun to experience the side effect of mood swings. They are mild, but I still feel off center and I called my doctor's office to make sure the testosterone could be hitting me that quickly (Wednesday was shot day, this was Monday I was calling). They said yes.
Also I feel like I need to tell you all that I have come to a new level of understanding in my gender. See gender for some people is a process. For me - understanding gender is just that a process.... it's like peeling back an onion until you get to the core of yourself. There are many layers to understanding yourself. I cant pinpoint exactly when I started feeling like this but really solidly it was around the time when it came time for my shot. But Dara Hoffman-Fox was asking for non-binary people to volunteer to fill out a profile for them to use in future educational materials they would create for providers and I filled it out. Well when Dara picked me as one of the profiles they would use - it validated me as a trans non-binary person. Then I have a friend who is a transgender non-binary minister and as I've gotten to know them - I find myself saying yes to a lot of their story. I have a friend who is non-binary and we've gotten very close and we call each other little bro/big bro and I've been able to feel validated by hearing them talk too about their story.
Now I know I'm on testosterone. I am staying on that because my gender presentation is masculine, because I would rather present as male than as a female. I would rather become masculine than stay feminine. But I've come to find through my interaction with my two close friends who are non-binary - that I just don't fit on the binary spectrum. I don't identify fully male... I don't identify fully female... But I want to present to the world as male because I don't want to be referred to as a she that's for certain.
I am a transgender non-binary person with masculine gender presentation.
I have also kinda grown uncomfortable with he/him pronouns. So I am slowly making the switch to they/them pronouns. I am asking that everyone respect the switch, but I'm not going to be a jerk about the switch. But please know that I would much rather they/them be used instead of he/him. If you mess up that's okay - I just will loving correct you as we will all be learning this.
So that is all for this update!
Next week is shot week all on my own! This should be a total experience to write about! Look for a blog next week!
Peace of Christ,
Brian Lee
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