Yesterday marked two weeks on testosterone and it was also the day that I gave myself my first shot completely by myself. Needless to say, I was extremely nervous. I had done it in the doctor's office yes but this was different. I was going to be doing it all on my own. No medical professional to be watching me to make sure I didn't mess up or anything like that.
I gave myself my first shot completely alone without incident. It again didn't hurt at all. The longest part of the process was filling up the syringe with the liquid. Testosterone is very thick. So if you ever see people in movies filling up their syringes quickly it's because they aren't using REAL testosterone. The prep for the shot is kinda labor intensive. There is a whole entire process you must go through before you can actually stick yourself. Hence why I needed an injection education appointment with a medical professional.
DO NOT TRY GOING ON TESTOSTERONE VIA THE STREET!!! It is NOT safe!!!!! You need monitoring by a doctor via blood tests and education on how to properly inject yourself and be safe about it.
I literally got an adrenaline rush from the shot. Yesterday I had the same reaction that I did with my first shot.... I was hungry, thirsty and tired. I took two naps but I guess the snow that Pennsylvania got didn't really help either. But yesterday was a day of self care for the most part.
I really did look forward to yesterday because shot days are significant to me. Why do you ask? Shot days are an important reminder to me that I am loving myself the way God intended me to. He intended me to love who He created me to be - a transgender non-binary person who is masculine presenting. Part of loving His creation is knowing that hormone shots are the medication I take to treat my gender dsyphoria and the way I learn to love myself.
It is amazing how faith in God can transform a person's life. Another amazing thing that happened this past week was that I took my membership vows in my local UMC church. I am officially a full fledged member of The United Methodist Church. I recently joined the Methodist faith and fell in love with how Wesley's main emphasis was on God's grace's and love. Right now the God I know is a God of love and grace. I continue to grow and learn more about who God is. In my past - I only knew and understood God to be a vengeful, hateful, wrathful God. But through my local UMC and my senior pastor's care, I am beginning to heal from years of spiritual bondage and abuse. I am free to think.... I am free to question... I am free to learn... I am free to truly be a Beloved of God.
I know in my heart of hearts, deep within my soul and spirit that God approves of me as Brian. Why else would He call me out by name in prayer and use my pronouns? Why else would His spirit dwell within me? The word (lowercase) says that He cannot dwell where sin dwells.... I say that to say this for anyone who reads this....
IF YOU ARE TRANSGENDER, NON-BINARY, GENDER NON-CONFORMING, QUEER, BISEXUAL, GAY, LESBIAN - YOU ARE NOT A SINNER IN THE EYES OF GOD. YOU ARE BELOVED OF THE DIVINE. HE LOVES YOU WITH AN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND EXTENDS TO YOU A DIVINE GRACE THAT IS EVERLASTING BOTH OF WHICH NEVER RUN OUT. YOU ARE LOVED, WELCOMED, ACCEPTED.
I love you my queer sibilings!!!! If you are not welcomed, loved or accepted in your faith communities - know that you are welcomed with me! Feel free to reach out to me - bornagainchristian2004@yahoo.com and put something about this blog in the subject so I know it's not spam!
REMEMBER YOU ARE BELOVED!
Brian Lee
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